Artfully You!

Over the weekend I was sitting in Palm Springs, surrounded by a pool gay men –  partially clothed, and completely au natural. And if that’s TMI for you then you probably aren’t meant to be reading my blog. So why do I share this info with you? Because, I am surrounded by gay men artfully being themselves.

What’s being served poolside!

In the company of men were a drag queen out of drag, a group of close friends (a bear, a funny bitchy queen, and a nerdy sort), a Hispanic couple who’s been together for years, a muscle guy, a boy next door type, a guy that looks like the guy in the cubicle next to you that you would never imagine is gay, a butch queen who kept burping, and of course the property bartender who made us Cinco De Mayo Margaritas!

What I’m loving about this whole experience, standing on the outside looking in, is all these guys are just being who they are...gay men in their own right. I don’t know their stories, I don’t know most their names, but I am loved how they are just being who they are and their true selves – clothed and unclothed!

So here’s the real question, “When’s the last time you allowed yourself to be totally who you are without regrets, fears, and doubts?" Not giving a damn about what other people thought, and letting every aspect of you prevail!

I know for this group of guys, it was their time and they are happy, at peace, and fully relaxed. Funny how that happens when you actually allow yourself to be yourself without masks and expectations!

[Photo: Flickr Member Elvert Barnes, licensed for use under Creative Commons license Attribution 2.0 Generic]

First Loves...Are They Here To Last?

Palpitating heart, stuttering words, stirring in the nether regions of your body, and not a logical thought in your head...Yep, welcome to your first love! Oh, and by the way, every one of us who comes out of the closet is going to have one. They may stay, or they may go. Regardless of the outcome, just know, they were delivered to you for a purpose.

Here’s five tips for enjoying your first love, outside of the closet!

1. Just be in the moment.
2. Observe what’s really exciting you and ask, “Can/will this last?”
3. If there’s more check boxes checked in the physical attraction column then in any other column...you’re infatuated!
4. Know that the first piece of chocolate is always the best.
5. If you start over thinking, then something isn’t right.

What about you? Got some first love advice to share? Post in the comments!

[Photo: Flickr Member Marxchivist, licensed for use under Creative Commons license Attribution 2.0 Generic]

Love or Like - The Gay Intimacy Dilemma!

One of the most common issues I come across in my work with gay men is, "Do I like him, love him or both?"

Take a good look at the picture above. Do you like, love it or both? What if he were your man? Depending on your tastes, this picture may do something for you or not, simply based on what turns your crank. What I find interesting, when we explore these preferences during a client session, is that many a guy finds himself in a "ping pong" dilemma in his head...the one he thinks with!

Many a gay man finds himself in the "like vs. love" battle. True to the nature of men, many a guy wants his freedom but likes the the feel of coming home to someone. On the other hand, with freedom comes the ability to well...be free. Often it is one thing that begins to shift the mindset of the gay man...

Love and like are two different levels of intimacy.

Love, depending on how you define it, means heartfelt, deep seeded intimacy. Like on the other hand means intimate without a lot of long term ties. But those are just definitions from the top of my bald head. So how do you resolve this Love vs. Like conundrum? You get real with yourself and dig deep to see what it is you value. What most guys find is some blending of the two.

Once you uncover your values around loving vs. liking, or loving and liking, you're then able to see what's important to YOU! When you honor YOU it them becomes much easier to love, like, or love and like that special man in your life!